


Chicks and Chookilations

by TrekBec82



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: F/M, Nonsense, Pon Farr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 07:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20188687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrekBec82/pseuds/TrekBec82
Summary: Utterly ridiculous nonsense, once again involving Pon Farr.





	Chicks and Chookilations

**Author's Note:**

> This was written way back in 2002, and was inspired by conversations on the StarTrek.com message boards. It was originally published on Bec's Trek Page - my own website hosted by Geocities - but they closed down in 2009, so it's entirely thanks to brilliant archivists that I'm able to access my old fics, and replicate them here. This is the second fanfic I ever wrote, and I'm posting it exactly as it was in 2002, with no fresh edits. I hope you enjoy.

**Preface:**  
_One time when I was on the Enterprise board at StarTrek.com, I started wondering..._

_Does the NX-01 have an arboretum?! _  
Does it have anything like that at all?!  
Does it even have any living plants?! 

_My guess is that it does, because if Chef uses real food in his cooking, not reconstituted or resequenced-protein ingredients, then there must be a veggie patch or something SOMEWHERE on the ship...and we've seen both Trip and Travis mention that he uses REAL food in his cooking._

_They must have a darn good freezer to keep the meat in though....they don't exactly have room for a herd of cattle or sheep or anything in terms of livestock for their meat supply. Could you imagine it.....cattle and sheep and pigs and poultry roaming the ship....oh, that'd be a laugh and a half...._

**Season 2, Episode 12: Chicks and Chookilations.**

_*The NX-01 Bridge - main cast all at work stations, except Trip, who now enters, looking flustered...* _  
Trip: Uh, Captain, we have a problem...  
Archer: What is it Trip?  
Trip: Uh, there's a chook flying around in the engine room sir...  
T'Pol: A what, Mr Tucker?  
Trip: A chook, a hen, a chicken - you know, a bird that lays eggs...  
T'Pol: Poultry?  
_*turning her nose up at the thought of something so dirty in a room normally so clean* _  
Trip: Yeah.  
T'Pol: How did a bird get in the engine room, Mr Tucker?  
Archer: Yeah, Trip, how'd the bird get in there this time?  
T'Pol: This time, Captain?  
Archer: Yeah, one of the darn things got in there somehow when we were loading them all onto the ark...  
_*T'Pol faints at the thought of an ANIMAL in the engine room prior to her arrival as 2nd in charge* _  
Trip: So what are we gonna do Cap?  
Archer: About what, the chook, or the chick?!  
Trip: You deal with the chook, I'll get the chick sir...she's ALL mine...  
_*Trip puts T'Pol over his shoulders in a fireman's carry, and carts her off to her quarters, as Archer heads for the engine room...*_

__

__

_*NEXT SCENE - T'Pol's quarters, T'Pol laying on the bed, semi-conscious, Trip sitting on the edge of the bed, watching her intently...T'Pol stirs*_  
Trip: T'Pol...  
T'Pol: Wha?! Where am I?! What happened?!  
Trip: You're in your quarters...you passed out on the bridge when the Cap told you the chooks had got into the engine room before today...  
T'Pol: Ugh...animals...  
Trip: In case you didn't notice, we're animals too...  
T'Pol: Excuse me?  
Trip: You're the science officer....ya know, Vulcans and Humans are both from the Kingdom Animalia.  
T'Pol: Oh. For a second there I thought you were trying to imply something Mr Tucker.  
Trip: What, that as animals it's natural to have certain urges?!  
T'Pol (glint in her eye): Yes, Mr Tucker. Like the distinct urge to tear you limb from limb when you act like you are right now.  
Trip: Oh, I heard about that Pon farr thingy you Vulcans go through....see ya...  
_*Trip bolts for the door*_

_*NEXT SCENE - Engine room, everyone except Trip and T'Pol (who aren't present) running around like chooks with their heads chopped off - trying to catch the chook*_  
*The chicken dance would be appropriate background music for this scene*   
Archer: Darn it, where's Trip when you need him?  
Reed: I wonder what it would look like if we shot the chook out...  
Mayweather: You know, one time on the freight run between...  
Hoshi: Cluck cluck bwark bwark bwark bwark cluck cluck...  
Phlox: Hmm, I would love to do a medical diagnostic on a chook, never done that before...  
Archer: Dammit, Trip...  
Reed: I wonder how far it would splatter?  
Mayweather: ...we had this chook get loose in my parents quarters...  
Hoshi: Cheep cheep bwark cluck bwark...  
Phlox: Never done a diagnostic on any Earth poultry actually...  
Archer: _*raises commlink*_ Archer to Trip  
Trip (over speakers): Yes Cap?  
Archer: We could use a little help down here...  
Trip: Ah, I'm a little busy right now Cap  
_*sounds of something crashing in T'Pol's quarters*_  
Archer: What's going on there buddy?  
T'Pol: (some completely incomprehensible Vulcan)  
Archer: Trip, are you ok?  
Trip: Ever heard of Pon farr sir?!  
Archer: Uh....I think so, isn't that when the Vulcan sex drive kicks in?  
Trip: Well, kicks in is about right sir...it's kinda painful...  
Archer: Oh?! So T'Pol is ok then?  
Trip: Well, she's conscious if that's what you mean, but I wouldn't say that she's ok...  
Archer: Ah, you know you love it!! Good work Commander!! Archer out. _*Closes commlink*_

_*NEXT SCENE - Bridge - T'Pol looking very happy, Trip battered and bruised, Archer and others scratched and pooped on - T'Pol is the only cheerful person on the bridge* _  
Archer: Well, we finally got the chook...  
Reed: Can I blow it out the ship now sir?!  
Phlox: Not till I dissect it, Mr Reed!  
Hoshi: Bwark bwark cluck....oh, sorry sir....  
Mayweather: You know, one time on the freight run between...  
Reed: You told that one already.  
Mayweather: But you didn't let me finish...  
Reed: We've heard them all Travis.  
Mayweather: Oh...  
Archer: Ok, guys, settle. What happened to you Trip, you look worse than we do...  
Trip: You don't wanna know Cap...  
Archer: Ah, I see....personal...ok, you can tell me over dinner...  
T'Pol: Not likely sir, Mr Tucker and I haven't finished dessert yet...  
Trip: Oh God...  
_*Fade out to the closing theme.*_


End file.
